Our “style” of marriage has a lasting impact on our children. And grandchildren. The “trickle down” can be a blessing or a bust.
I (Bob) vividly remember a specific day when I was serving as a high school football coach in Southern California. I was mulling over our upcoming game plan prior to the athletes coming out to practice when I became aware of a nearby conversation amongst five or six of the school’s cheer/song leaders. I kept looking at my playbook but perked up my ears when I heard one of the girls say, in so many words, “What? You’re asking me if I would marry a man like my Dad?”
What would I hear, I wondered? Would I hear (a) “You kidding me? Yuck. No way. I’d never marry a guy like my Dad. Give me a break.” Or would I hear something like (b) “Marry a man like my Dad? If my future husband is half the man my father is then I’d be the most blessed bride on this planet.”
It’s with a sigh of relief I heard words like the latter. As the girls moved away I noted which one gave that answer, and then recalled how I had seen her always hug her Mom and Dad after each game before scampering off with her girlfriends. I could readily see that that was a close, loving family, and obviously with parents who were Godly parents.
Bob and I will always remind parents, whether we’re speaking at a marriage or family conference, that every child has video-camera eyes and audio tape-recording ears. They see and hear everything we do and say – including what we don’t do and say – and should.
If you’re married but no children yet, print this out and save for the day when you do. Grown children gone? You can still impact your grandchildren, nieces and nephews.
 

The Trickle Down Effect

**Show Affection To One Another — Sitting close to one another, hand holding, hugging, and kissing gives your kids security that you love each other and are in your marriage to stay – that you won’t make them suffer by becoming a sad statistic.

**Extend courtesies To Each Other — Thank you’s, please, opening doors, and holding a chair can go a long way in demonstrating respect toward each other. It saddens us to see so many couples, as the years go by in their marriage, no longer displaying common courtesies, but take each other for granted. This includes them going from a servant’s heart to a demanding heart. Your offspring learn their good (and bad) manners by watching how you treat each other.

**Laugh Together Daily — The Holy Bible says laughter is “good medicine.” Tell each other funny stories, swap humorous cards and cartoons. Actress Ethel Barrymore said, “You finally grow up the day you can have your first good laugh at yourself.” That’s right – don’t take yourself so seriously. Probably nobody else is. (Ha – see there’s a laugh right there!) This helps create a healthy, healing atmosphere in a family.

**Speak Highly Of Your Mate To Your Kids — “You have a great Mom, and I have a great wife” – or – “Look at the super job your Dad did in the yard for all of us. I’m so thankful he’s my husband.” Words like that. Faithfully build each other up. Since children are imitators they will learn to show respect and build others up if they have watched you do the same.

**Family Devotions A Must — Yes, church and youth attendance is vitally important, but so are family devotions and praying together. It is an easier habit to develop and continue when started when they’re very young. Sadly so many Christian parents lack consistency with this responsibility. Don’t you be one of them, otherwise it shouldn’t be a surprise that when the “birds fly the coop” after high school that they also say bye-bye to church and to God.

**Watch Your Tone Of Voice — Have you noticed it isn’t always what you say, but how you say it that makes a difference in a conversation? Of course you’ve noticed that, and so have we. We all need to be sure our tone shows patience and kindness toward one another. The way you talk to each other is preparing those little ankle biters in your house for the day they have mates of their own.

**Readily Forgive — Like we said at the beginning – oftentimes we don’t do or say things we should, as well as shouldn’t. Because of this the two of us have a spirit of forgiveness in our home. What that means is when one of us “blows it” the other one extends forgiveness. That also means the one “blowing it” admits it. We work it both ways. Try it. Making a mistake is rarely fatal. It gives you room to grow without becoming fearful that you have to do everything perfect. Kids too.

By doing the above suggestions, husbands and wives practice Ephesians 4:32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Thank you and may our Lord continue to bless and guide your every day!

Turnbull Ministries
PO Box 650518
Potomac Falls, VA 20165
Phone: 703.406.8787
Fax: 703.406.8876
E-Mail: btmin@aol.com
http://www.turnbullministries.org

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