You have heard it said that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Hmmmm. I’m not so sure that is always true. Case in point.
I, Bob, remember an incident many years ago when our son Robert was a little boy (then known as Bobby) and he was riding along with me as I did some errands. As we were on the freeway I glanced and saw a car darting in and out of traffic and realized the car was rapidly approaching my car. All of a sudden before I knew what had happened the car pulled right in front of me with about an inch between his rear bumper and my front end. I could see the whites of his eyes in his rear view mirror. This action caused me to slam on my brakes so I wouldn’t run into him. I was steaming mad and as I pounded the dash board I yelled out, “You stupid jerk.”
BOBBY WAS AWAITING AN APPROVING LOOK
Just as I said that I heard next to me, “You stupid jerk,” as Bobby likewise pounded the dash board. I quickly looked at him and he had a big smile on his face, awaiting an approving look back from me. What he got instead was a stunned look.
Even though I knew Bobby was at that life stage where he wanted to imitate me, you know – what I ate, how I walked, what I wore – what I had seen up to that point were only the positive sometimes funny imitations. It wasn’t until this occurrence in the car that the proverbial light bulb went on and I realized that he also imitates the not so positive things. Because like all kids he has video camera eyes and audio tape recording ears. They see and hear everything. As Christians we know we are to be imitators of Christ, so I had to ask myself what Christlike behavior would I want my son to imitate? To make it reachable, I whittled it down to two things: Be Authentic – and – Keep Your Promises.
BE AUTHENTIC
One thing that really bothers kids is hypocrisy. They simply have a nose for it. They desire that their dads be the same on the inside as they are on the outside. That means, and we’re sure you’ve heard this before, that means to walk your talk, not just talk your talk. That makes you real, not a phony.
Talking the talk comes when you tell your kids to live life a certain way but you personally are not living it yourself. If you feel being truthful is important and you tell them not to lie but then you get a phone call at home from someone you do not want to talk to and you tell them, “Say I am not in and will not be back for three days.” You have, in essence, just told them just do what I tell you to do, but I don’t have to live by it. You are not being authentic, but hypocritical. There are three ways to handle that scenario. Above all, instead if you are talking the talk, you don’t ever put your child in that kind of situation. Period. Secondly, if they do answer the phone have them say, “In about 10 minutes my dad will call you back.” Then do it. Thirdly, and just as important, YOU answer the phone and talk to the person. Get it over with, so to speak, and be honorable about it before your child.
The reality is as a dad there are going to be times when you blow it and are not authentic. Welcome to the human race. Here is the key, though, so you will not be hypocritical. Admit it when you have blown it. They already know it, but now they know you know it. Most dads want their kids’ respect. Being authentic is the way to go.
I Thessalonians 2:12 it says, “We are to live lives worthy of God.”
To live a life worthy of God as a father I wanted to strive to live to be the same person on the inside as I am on the outside and the outside as in the inside. Consistency goes both ways.
KEEP YOUR PROMISES
In a family one thing that can cause resentment in kids are broken promises from their parents.
**I’ll toss the ball around with you later”
**I promise you I will take you for some ice cream this afternoon. Then you get busy and say, “Well, maybe next weekend.”
When we are talking about broken promises we are not talking about a one time situation, but that you have a habit pattern of not keeping promises. It affects the trust they will place in you for any area of your life.
When Bobby was young I would promise him something and then renege on it. I did not do it intentionally but I would let other things and interruptions be more important than Bobby. I figured he would ‘understand’ and that I would be there when the time was better.
Yvonne would try to tell me I needed to be more consistent in following through, but too much “important stuff” got in my way.
Even though I would see hurt and disappointment in his eyes – I would justify it. Before too long when I would promise him something he was starting to have a distrustful look in his eyes. Because of this we started drifting apart.
In the Bible it says, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.”
So here is what I did, and maybe you can consider this too if you are a dad who does not consistently keep your promises to your children.
Make an appointment with your child and make it a NON-negotiable commitment. By that I mean put it on your calendar FIRST and then schedule anything else around it. Discipline yourself to fulfill that commitment. When you do that your child will learn to trust that you are a parent of your word. Then when they come to you with some growing-up problems they will also trust the advice you give them will be the best for them.
ANOTHER TIP TO HELP KEEP YOUR PROMISES
Another tip is when you say to a child that “maybe or perhaps we will go to Disneyland next week,” to them it definitely means we ARE going. They are busy in their rooms packing their bags.
So only mention “out loud” what you can follow through with. This will help you keep your promises to your children. Our Lord sets the standard by keeping His promises to us. We need to do the same to not just our children, but our spouse and anybody you promise.
So dads as you demonstrate Christ-like behavior of being authentic and keeping your promises this will make you a dad your kids will want to be around.
Until next time, may our Lord bless and guide all of your relationships.
(And to be sure that you have Peace With God we would like to encourage you to visit www.billygraham.org and then click on Spiritual Help followed by clicking on Steps To Peace With God. You may want to share this link with family and friends.)