Does the “D” word scare you? No, we’re not referring to Divorce, but another “D” word – Devotions! You know – that area that sends guilt pangs running through many couples!
One of the ingredients in spiritual intimacy is a couple having devotions together. Years ago that exact phrase – “having devotions together” – sent waves of guilt cascading over us. We had tried so often to do devotions but we always seemed to do a pratfall. Then out of frustration we thought we should just shelve the idea of doing anything. Sadly, this went on for years until we discussed it again and became determined to find a way to have devotions together. We realized in order to succeed we needed some structure, so we asked ourselves three questions and followed that up by putting some traction to them.
WHY DO IT?
*It helps us see if our lives are matching up to what God’s Word says, for that’s our standard for our life and marriage (Psalm 119:105). As we look at the Word of God together it isn’t to just gain knowledge. It’s to help us develop a close intimate relationship with God by knowing His teachings and OBEYING them.
*It also brings us closer to each other as we continually change and grow and become more like what God desires for us.
*It is wonderful what you can learn by listening to your mate’s perspective as you search scripture together. That is a powerful bonding moment. Your mate can help you see things you may have overlooked, or God gives insights to build you both up.
*And, remember when the Lord sees a couple coming together to seek after Him, this delights Him.
WHEN TO DO IT?
*Decide how often, e.g., once a week, four times a week, once a day, ????? Then decide what time of day you will get together. After experimenting we found what was best for us was 4-5 times a week while Yvonne is preparing dinner. We made it a set time so it would become a habit. Pick whatever time and place works for both of you.
*When setting up a time keep four things in mind —
–Make it a priority, but keep it flexible.
–Don’t do it when you are tired.
–Make it a time without interruptions. Keep your phone answering machine on, but turn off the ringer.
–Start brief and simple. Otherwise you might find yourself becoming discouraged or even dreading the time together.
WHAT TO DO?
Like many we get bored easily so we like a variety of ways that we share the Word of God together. Following are some things we have done together. We have done several or sometimes just one thing. It’s all about choices.
*We have different devotional guides such as Our Daily Bread, My Utmost For His Highest (Oswald Chambers), as well as a couple’s devotional relating to marriage subjects.
*Read a Christian book together. Currently we are reading, for the second time, “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. We recently read “Experiencing God” (by Henry Blackaby). We have done a Bible study together as well.
*Go through the One Year Bible together. (That’s right – the one that took us 17 months to complete.)
*Discuss what the Lord said to you through the Sunday sermon or what you heard on Christian radio or TV.
*Memorize the Word of God together. This is what God desires us to fill our minds with as it will make us prosperous and successful in our marriage. It will also help us to be strong and courageous and not fall into discouragement with those challenges that come into our married life (Joshua 1:8-9). One year we memorized one Bible verse a week. Each of us had the verse written on a 3 X 5 card and we would quiz each other until it became implanted in our minds. Children enjoy being included in this adventure too. If you’re not married, do this with your roommates.
*Learn to share God any time during the day besides just your set devotional time. If you just watched a TV program together that stimulated a spiritual question, talk about it. Include your children if they’re with you. When you go for a walk talk about the beauty that God created. Deut 6:7 – “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
*We have also picked one verse a week that we each have to make sure we are putting the verse into practice. We also tell each other how God used that verse in our life. Some verses to consider – Eph 4:29 – 1 Thess 5:11 – James 5:16 – 1 Peter 4:8-10. To help us be doers and not just hearers of the Word of God (James 1:22-25) we made sure after anything we read or heard that we ask each other, “How did God speak to you with this reading or what you heard?” And, “What can we do in response to it?” This helps us so we don’t become too busy thinking, “I hope my mate is getting this.”
Taking the time to share the Word of God together will definitely build spiritual intimacy and unity in your marriage. It did ours.
(Note: For helpful information on building a spiritual life together, check out our TeamMates book on our website)