Do you want an effective way to find out what is going on inside of your spouse – your children – grandchildren? Want to find out their thoughts, feelings and ideas? Would you like a way to feel closer to them? If you do, then learn the art of asking great questions.

Jesus knew the value of asking great questions: “Who do people say I am?” – “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul?” – “Where is your faith?” In the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5-7) he interspersed over 14 questions. He wanted people to think about the questions as well as use them to draw people out.

As our grandchildren have become teenagers, we are using the art of asking great questions more and more. It has been interesting how when we start asking them questions, they look up from their phones and start to have a conversation with us. It blesses us when we realize they are letting us into their world as we draw out their dreams, desires and insights that are tucked away inside of them. That is why asking great questions is so important.

Do’s and Don’ts of Asking Great Questions

* Do avoid questions that begin with the word “why.” They tend to sound argumentative. Think about beginning questions with – who – what – when – and – how.

* Do ask open ended questions. It will prevent the questions being answered with one word or a brief statement. Example – “How was school today?” “Fine.” “Did you have a good day?” “Yeah.” Unfortunately the conversation is over and you haven’t learned much about your loved one. An open ended question would be like this – “What was the best thing that happened at school today?” – “What was the toughest part of work today?”

* Do keep your questions short and specific.

* Don’t criticize their answer. Nothing will stop communication faster than this.

* Don’t bombard a person with a whole lot of questions. Ask a question, listen to the answer and then respond to their answer.

* Don’t force questions. The best time to ask a question is when your loved one is ready to respond, not just when you are ready to ask.

* Don’t fear the “pregnant pause”. After you’ve asked a question don’t hurriedly interject follow-up comments. Wait. Give the question a moment to sink in.

* When you ask a question be sure you take the time to listen to the answer. For a person to truly open up and share – they need to know that the person asking the question really cares to hear their answer, plus if you listen they will want to continue to answer your questions in the future. James 1:19 says, “… everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”

* Plan ahead. Think ahead of a question or two you can ask when you know you are going to pick your child up at school, call a grandchild on the phone, etc.

In our family the dinner table has always been a great place for conversation and asking questions. We would start by asking a question about each person’s day, and then we would ask each other one or two fun questions (samples below). Then we would conclude with this question, “Where did you see God working in your life today?”

Some Sample Questions To Ask –

* What hobby do you most enjoy? Which one makes you feel the most relaxed?

* If you could relive any year of your life, without changing a thing, which year would you choose?

* If you were to compare your marriage/family to a particular sport, which sport would you choose?

* What was your favorite toy as a child, and why?

* What modern invention do you believe we would be better off without?

* If you became the president of the USA for one day, what is the first thing you would do?

* If you had $1,000, how would you spend it tomorrow?

* If you had free use of a billboard for two weeks, what wordage would you put on it?

* If you could have witnessed any biblical event, which one would you pick?

Our prayer is that the exercises asking great questions will be fun and something that will draw you closer together in your marriage and family.