With spring in full force, Yvonne’s thoughts always turn to gardening. She looks forward to this time of the year as she enjoys getting out in the fresh air to start digging in the ground with her hands. Recently, Bob asked her, “Why do you enjoy gardening so much?” She told him she likes to put the new little starter plants in the ground knowing that in a short while, with proper care, they will spring to life and start to flourish. She feels all of her hard work is well worth it when the garden looks so beautiful.
As we were talking about it we realized that marriage is a lot like a garden. If you give it what it needs, it will prosper. If you neglect it, it will get choked by weeds and die out.
In the Old Testament in the book of Proverbs 24:30-34, it says, ” One day I walked by the field of an old lazybones and then passed the vineyard of a lout; they were overgrown with weeds, thick with thistles, all the fences broken down. I took a long look and pondered what I saw, the field preached me a sermon and I listened. “A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there. Sit back, take it easy —- do you know what comes next? Just this: you can look forward to a dirt-poor life, with poverty as your permanent houseguest.”
It is the same way in our marriages, if we get lazy about taking care of it, it will quickly go down hill. But if you deliberately do the four following suggestions your marriage will thrive and bear fruit.
Water Regularly
For a short period of time you can get by not watering your garden, but if you neglect it for too long, the plants will start to wither and eventually die. In marriage we can get busy doing life ? working, raising kids, upkeep of house, doing bills – then we put our relationship on the back burner until things slow down. If your life is anything like ours, it never seems to slow down. So we have learned to attend to our relationship on a regular basis. Daily we make sure we connect with one another about our day. Some days we have more time than others. Weekly we discipline ourselves to have a time where we discuss our schedules for the week and any other important topic we need to discuss. Also weekly we do something fun, such as go out on a date night or watch a movie at home, while eating popcorn. We find this helps keep a freshness in the marriage.
Fertilize What You Want To Grow
Fertilizer is essential if you want healthy growing plants. In our marriage the best fertilizers are praise, appreciation and random acts of kindness. When expressed genuinely, phrases like, “I admire you so much for…I’m so proud of the way you…it is great when you…” will bring encouragement to them. Get focused on what is right with your mate as opposed to what is wrong. Accentuate the positives. You will see growth in those areas of your mate’s life as well as the areas that need changing. Same with you. Works both ways. Perform acts of kindness before they are asked for or expected. Surprise your mate by helping, assisting or taking on a project before the hints begin. Say thank you often, not just for the big things but for the little ones as well. The key with all of these is to look for those things to praise and appreciate, then follow through and do them.
Watch For Weeds
During growing season weeds pop up. Best to deal with them quickly or else they can soon over-run a garden and choke out the plants. If the two of you are feeling tension between you, deal with it. If the tension is left to grow, it can escalate into larger, more serious problems that will eliminate the joy out of your relationship. Another weed to watch is anger. If you feel anger towards your mate, do not bury it and think it will go away. It will not. Set a time to talk about it openly and honestly. Otherwise if the anger is not dealt with, a root of bitterness can start to grow in the marriage which then becomes a lot more work to uproot. Stop it before it takes root.
Prune For Strength
You prune plants to get rid of anything that would prevent the plant from growing strong. In marriage, over commitment to things or schedules that keep the two of you apart rather than bringing you together, need to be pruned. The way we do the pruning process is every three months we schedule ourselves for a marriage checkup. We go to a favorite restaurant and while we eat we discuss areas in our lives that we want to cut out or at least cut back from that have caused us to be over committed. By doing this check up, we get back on course to a stronger marriage.
Now – having read this – what are your plans to tend to your own marriage garden?
And to be sure that you have Peace With God we would like to encourage you to visit www.billygraham.org and then click on Spiritual Help followed by clicking on Steps To Peace With God. You may want to share this link with family and friends.