Over the past 25 years we have spoken one-on-one with many couples and whenever we would find a couple who had been married 35-plus years we would always ask them one question – “What do you do to keep your marriage fresh and vibrant and prevent it from going stagnant?’ As we started to compile a list of their responses we found a commonality between all of them. They had each formed certain positive habits which they would practice in their marriage on an ongoing basis. We feel the positive habits are the key to their long term marriage.
Encouragement Habit
Encouragement means to instill courage in another. In this case your mate. It might mean you encourage them when things at work are tough or they have a new assignment or job. Be their cheerleader. Encourage them to do their best. Give support and comfort to your mate in the mundane times of life as well as the critical times that they need it. At least once a day, say something complimentary to your spouse. Scripture encourages us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ? “So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this.”
Praying Together Habit
This was the number one habit we heard from all the couples. It is a great way to mold your hearts together and gain more understanding into each other’s lives by doing what Galatians 6:2 says – “Carry each other’s burdens.” You can start like we did with what we call our two pillars of prayer ? Help us Lord – and – Thank you Lord. We prayed in the morning for the Lord to help us throughout the day and just before bed we would thank the Lord for the day. Also read a devotional book together as well as write out a prayer list with specific requests for self, family, friends, missionaries.
Act Of Kindness Habit
Every day do at least one act that lets your mate know you are thinking of them and putting them first. Hanging up the bath towels again – listening to the sports stats once more – taking out the garbage without being asked – cleaning up the clutter in the house. Another way would be to do something your spouse wants before they ask. But don’t hesitate to ask your mate, “What can I do to make your life easier?” You might be surprised at how simple it is to please your mate. 1 Thessalonians 5:15 says ? “Always be kind to each other.”
Create Memories Habit
Life can keep us so busy doing ‘things’ separately from one another that after awhile you realize you have drifted apart. The key is to plan some activities you can do together to create memories. Share a hobby or sport together. Go on a date, serve together at your church, watch the sunrise or sunset, have a time to talk over the day with one another. Remember it is better to neglect the whole world rather than each other. Build those memories.
Forgiveness Habit
Marriage isn’t a game where you keep score. It is not important who is right. Keep in mind that you may win a battle but you could end up losing the war. When we find ourselves starting to battle we say a little phrase to one another – “We are on the same team”. But for those times we forget the phrase, we have found a set of three simple words can bring such healing into our marriage – “I am sorry” and “Please forgive me”.
Don’t Go To Bed Angry Habit
This was the second most mentioned habit that the couples lived out. They felt the ‘secret’ to a long marriage, and a good nights sleep, is to never go to bed with an argument unsettled. You may have to stay up for awhile, but it is well worth it.
Ephesians 4:26 says -“And don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
Now it is your turn. Make sure to incorporate some, if not all, of the above positive habits into your marriage. The key is to practice them all of your married life so your marriage can truly go the distance.
And to be sure that you have Peace With God we would like to encourage you to visit www.billygraham.org and then click on Spiritual Help followed by clicking on Steps To Peace With God. You may want to share this link with family and friends.