“It seems you do not want to talk to me anymore. What is happening? I cannot take this silence much longer.” As I spoke my voice went up one octave.

Bob responded with, “Okay, I will tell you but do not interrupt me.” Of course that did not last long as I interrupted him to say something. “I knew you could not keep your mouth shut long enough for me to even start. Why bother,” Bob responded.

“Okay, okay. I will keep my mouth shut as long as you will talk to me,” I said as my tone of voice got quieter.

As Bob started to tell me why he had stopped talking to me I learned that every time we would talk I would always correct and criticize whatever he had to say, as soon as he said something. After awhile he said he felt life would be much easier just not saying anything to me. So he clammed up. Ouch!

As he spoke those words part of me wanted to defend myself but the other part knew he was speaking truth and I needed to listen. As I did I realized I had a choice at that moment to either continue with my critical tongue and watch the distance between the two of us become even wider, or I could make a change and pray that the Lord would create in me a new tongue. Fortunately I chose the latter.

To help me make the transition from a woman who criticizes to one whom gives compliments here are some of the things I have learned and continue to do —

Ask forgiveness

The first step in making the change was to ask Bob for forgiveness for my habit of speaking criticism towards him. The reason I began here is that I knew the ability to move forward successfully would be based on me cleaning up the mistakes of the past. Also I knew as I would be walking this path with my tongue there would be days that I would blow it and need to seek forgiveness. Fortunately Bob has been very gracious in extending forgiveness to me.

Pray Daily

Psalm 141:3 – “Let a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Every morning when I wake up I ask the Holy Spirit to take control of my tongue that day. It is amazing how differently my conversations go throughout the day, especially with my husband.

Keep a Thanksgiving List

I started making a list of all the things I was thankful for about Bob as well as other areas of my life. The list took me a month to write. It helped me change my focus from what is wrong to all the things that are right in my life. But I also discovered that the loving feelings towards my husband were starting to return. The criticism and focus on what was wrong had pushed out all the things that were right and the good feelings that go along with them. That is why this list is an important step.

You might try this yourself. Every day for the next two weeks, write down one new thing you are thankful for concerning your husband. If your focus has not been in the right area, I bet there will be a change.

Be Around Women Who Have a Thankful Heart.

We are known by the company we keep because the people we hang out with have a tremendous influence on how we think and behave. Use it to work for you, not against you.

Look For Ways Daily To Bless Your Husband

Every day look for ways to give your husband at least one compliment a day. Be creative in handing them out. When I give a compliment I use the following scripture verse as my guideline: Eph 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

If you noticed, I did not place this idea at the beginning. For me, God had to first work on developing in me a thankful heart. As I discovered that then appreciation and compliments spring forth much easier from a thankful heart

My prayer for you is if you have found yourself enveloped in the habit of criticism that God will speak to you and encourage you in the area you need to start practicing. All you have to do is get on board and do it.