Over 35 years ago when I said my marriage vows to Yvonne promising to her all that I wanted to give to her as her husband – I meant it.

Unfortunately after the honeymoon season I started to live like I should be ‘getting’ – not ‘giving.’ Sadly this went on for years – not meeting her needs that I had promised to meet when we were married.

I finally “woke up” the day Yvonne said to me – in tears – “You say to me that I am your priority, but I do not?ever feel I am anywhere on your priority list. I do not think I can continue like this anymore.”

Ouch! A punch not only in the gut, but in the heart. Yes, truth CAN hurt.

I realized that I had basically been living selfishly and thinking only of myself. This caused Yvonne to feel uncared for and unloved.

Yet in Ephesians 5:25 it says, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

That verse said to me that I ought to love Yvonne just as Christ loves me and that is with an UNselfish, sacrificial love – which I sure was not?doing. Yipes! Talk about a reality check!

Since I wanted our marriage to do a turnaround from where it was at that moment there were four areas I started to practice on in an ongoing basis.

1. Ask an important question, periodically.

I began by asking Yvonne what three things I could do to make her feel like she truly IS a priority. The main reason I asked that is because I always thought that she was a priority yet it was not being shown in a way that was tangible to HER.

Now I must confess that when I first did this I was overly concerned that she would ask me to do some things that I did not really want to do or, better said – could not do. That rarely was the case, however.

One thing she brought up was simply, “Please do not always answer the phone or text during dinner. ?It can wait. Reply after dinner.”

For years I spent way too much time taking care of others needs during dinner time, totally neglecting the needs of those sitting right in front of me. Ouch again!

What I learned from fulfilling the request was that Yvonne felt loved and like a priority in my life.

2. Ask a question every morning.

Every morning hold your wife’s hand, look into her eyes and say, “Honey, how can I serve you today?” Then pick her up off the floor, revive her, and say, “Honey, “I am serious. How CAN I?” Then when she ‘collects herself’ realizing you ARE serious and whatever answer she gives you – you do it with a good attitude. Yvonne told me that having a good attitude was actually more important than what I did, because if I did so with a good attitude she knew that I was serious about serving her. If I had a crummy attitude it negated my action.

3. Attend to the “little things” in life

Let her know you are thinking about her by doing the “little” things for her. Call or text her and tell her you are thinking about her, praying for her, missing her, loving her. ?Leave her a love note (Post-It size notes work for me) where she can easily spot them. If she likes flowers buy her some unexpectedly. Get those things done around the house without being reminded 20 times. Look for ways to help her that will make her life easier.

4. Pray for her

I know when Yvonne gets anxious about a situation that her stress level goes up. It is then I take her hand and say, “Let us pray about this.”? She has told me when I do this her anxiety level decreases as our praying together guides her to what God is going to do. She feel cared for and protected.

Now it is YOUR turn. ?What areas do YOU need to start practicing? Get started now in making your wife feel well loved.

by Bob Turnbull