If you have ever been around a teenager you may have heard them say more than once, “I am soooo bored”. Well, guess what? The same thing can happen in a marriage. Boredom acts as a warning system that our marriage has fallen into a rut and if we do not heed the warning we will find ourselves growing further and further apart.

Many years ago in our own marriage the boredom warning signal went off and you know what we did at first? Ignored it, hoping it would go away. It did not. Fortunately the signal was persistent enough that we agreed to make some changes. Mainly because we were feeling too distant from one another and we wanted to regain our closeness.

We began making a list of some of the ruts we were in and then we developed an action plan on to how to escape the ruts. We were able to watch our closeness return as we worked the plan. We are going to tell you two of the ruts we had fallen into. As you read about them, maybe these ruts will ring true with you and your spouse, and if they do, note the way you can escape them.

RUT #1
Having More Fun With Your Friends
Than With Your Spouse

We would look for opportunities to be with friends so we would not have to spend time together because we both felt the other just was not as much fun. Plus it seemed our conversations always turned into a problem solving time. So to overcome this we always invited another couple to go with us if we wanted to eat a meal out or go to a movie. We knew at least with them we could have a good time.

How to Escape That Rut

Take a spoonful of medicine that is spoken about in the Bible. It says – “A merry heart is good medicine”. For us the way to develop that merry heart was to start doing small things together that were fun, where we could laugh. As an example when we go to a beach we like to skip rocks across the water and see who can out-do the other with the number of ricochets before the rock sinks. Goofy things like that.

Something else we had gotten away from but decided to reinstitute was going out on a date twice a month. Dating is a time to get away from the rigors of everyday life and just focus on enjoying each other. Plan it. Look forward to it. Enjoy it. Just the two of you.

To enhance our enjoyment we set up a “dating rule” which meant we agreed to not talk about money, kids or jobs while on a date. We will talk about them some other time. Because we stick to the rule, we have found our dates to be a time to reconnect and have fun.

Rut #2
Forgetting to Attend to
The Little things

Far too often we get busy with the demands of life. This busyness causes us to start taking each other for granted and then we stop doing the little things in our relationship that make us feel closer to one another. For us, this was an easy rut to fall into but the good news is there is a way out.

How to Escape That Rut

Each day, focus on attending to the little things that would please your mate. It says in the Bible in Philippians 2:4 – “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others (your mate).”

Here are some of the things we do: give each other at least one compliment daily; look at your mate when they are speaking; pray with each other; greet one another with a kiss. Also be courteous to one another, with a “please” and “thank you”. And if your spouse asks, “Hon, will you get such-n-such for me?” – do so with a pleasant attitude and a thankful heart that you have been blessed with a spouse you can serve.

Even though these are little things, can make a big difference in your marriage. Just remember to practice them daily.