So often in a family we say that we don’t communicate much – that it’s hard to get a conversation going – and keep it going.
Because of this so much of our talk only revolves around finding the answers to “What’s for dinner?” – “How was work or school today?” – and – “What’s on TV tonight?” We end up losing touch with the feelings, thoughts and values of the very people we live with. Then before too long we feel miles apart from the very ones we desire to be close to.
A great way to draw our loved ones out and feel closer to them is by learning how to ask great questions. Dorothy Leeds says, “The main reason questions are so effective is that most people love to answer them. Questions stimulate the mind and offer people an opportunity to use their brains constructively. How else can you explain the continued popularity of question-and-answer quiz shows on radio and television?”
Jesus knew the value of asking questions: “Who do people say I am?” — “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul?” — “Where is your faith?” In the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5-7) he interspersed over 14 questions. He wanted people to think about the questions as well as use them to draw people out.
In Proverbs 20:5 it says, “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.”
You can be that person of understanding who can draw out the dreams, insights, passions and creativity that God has planted within each of us when you learn how to ask great questions.

Here are some guidelines we use in asking great questions —

**Avoid questions that begin with the word “why.” They tend to sound argumentative. Think about beginning questions with – who – what – when – and – how.
**Ask open ended questions. It will prevent the questions being answered with one word or a brief statement. Example – “How was school today?” “Fine.” “Did you have a good day?” “Yeah.” Unfortunately the conversation is over and you haven’t learned much about your loved one. An open ended question would be like this – “What was the best thing that happened at school today?” — “What was the toughest part of work today?”
**Keep your questions short and specific.
**When you ask a question be sure you take the time to listen to the answer. For a person to truly open up and share they need to know that the person asking the question really cares to hear their answer, plus if you listen – really listen – they will want to continue to answer your questions in the future. James 1:19 says, “…..everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
**Don’t criticize the answer. Nothing will stop communication faster than this.
**Don’t bombard a person with a whole lot of questions. Ask a question, listen to the answer and then respond to their answer.
**Don’t force questions. The best time to ask a question is when your loved one is ready to respond, not just when you are ready to ask.
**Don’t fear the “pregnant pause. ” After you’ve asked a question don’t hurriedly interject follow-up comments. Wait. Give the question a moment to sink in.
**Plan ahead. Think ahead of a question or two you can ask when you know you are going to pick your child up at school, call a grandchild on the phone, etc.

In our family the dinner table has always been a great place for conversation and asking questions. We would start by asking a question about each others day, and then we each would ask the others one or two fun questions (samples below). Then we would conclude with this question, “Where did you see God working in your life today?”

Some Sample Questions To Ask —

**What hobby do you most enjoy? Which one makes you feel the most relaxed?
**What is the “funest” thing that happened to you on your birthday?
**What is the “funest” thing that happened to you on one of your vacations?
**If you could relive any year of your life, without changing a thing, which year would you choose?
**If you were to compare your marriage/family to a particular sport, which sport would you choose?
**When you make a mistake, what is it you do (or don’t do) that you most appreciate?
**What was your favorite toy as a child, and why?
**What modern invention do you believe we would be better off without?
**If you became the president of the USA for one day, what is the first thing you would do?
**If you could become a contestant on any game show, which one would you pick?
**If you had $1,000, how would you spend it tomorrow?
**If you had free use of a billboard for two weeks, what wordage would you put on it?
**If you could have witnessed any biblical event, which one would you pick?

A couple of books full of questions that might be a good resource for you can be obtained at your local Christian bookstore —

“Now We’re Talking: Questions To Build Intimacy With Your Spouse,” by Robert and Pamela Crosby, and, “Now We’re Talking: Questions That Bring You Closer To Your Kids,” by Robert Crosby.

Our prayer is that the exercises asking great questions will be fun and something that will draw you closer together in your marriage or family, and with many of these questions, good ones to ask just among friends.

May our Lord continue to bless and guide your every day.