“I can’t believe you said such a stupid thing! That was really dumb!” Yvonne informed Bob while they were sitting in Chicago’s O’Hare Airport between flights.
Whoa! thought Bob! Where did that come from? He was jolted by her sudden outburst, since in the past several years both had veered away from taking cheap, mouthy shots at each other.
Bob didn’t say anything. He just gave Yvonne a neutral glance for a second and then went back to the newspaper he was reading. At that particular moment that was the best thing he could have done, because if he had fired back with one of his old-style smart remarks, they would have wasted a lot of energy in a worthless argument. If that had occurred, the Holy Spirit would not have been allowed to bring a needed change in Yvonne.
When Bob did not respond, Yvonne picked up a magazine and tried to read it, all the while justifying in her mind the way she had spoken to Bob. Well, he needed to hear what I think is the truth. If he does not like it it is his problem, not mine. (It is amusing what we say to ourselves when we are wrong in our actions or words.)
Have you ever found yourself reading something that does not stick in your brain, so you reread it over and over and over, hoping it’ll stick? That was happening to Yvonne. She was reading the same paragraph repeatedly, trying to focus on it, while at the same time replaying that last scene with Bob in her mind to justify that she was right.
While she was “reading,” Bob, who was sitting right next to her with a newspaper in his face, was quietly praying, “Lord, take her down!” And He was! The Holy Spirit was starting the process of convicting Yvonne of her error – her sin. This is why should could not get past the first paragraph of her reading.
It is through the conviction of sin that a positive change can occur in a person, which of course, can impact a marriage relationship. This process of change is promised to anyone who has for-real turned control of his or her life over to Jesus Christ. When that happens, God’s Spirit – the Holy Spirit – takes residence in our lives and gives us the power to live the lives God desires us to live (see Ephesians 1:19-20). The way that transformation takes place is through conviction of sin – seeing that we are wrong.
But admitting she was wrong was not easy for Yvonne. She felt like “the Fonz” from the 70’s TV sitcom Happy Days, who would stammer and sputter trying to say the W word. Yvonne adds, “We recall seeing a similar situation when our grandson Jackson was five-years-old who needed to apologize for something he had done to his younger sister, Hannah. He stood straight-up with a stone-jaw and arms tightly crossed over his chest, and he wasn’t about to budge from his non-apologetic stance, even though he was told he had to admit he was wrong. At times I realize I handle life the same way as my grandson did that time. What got Jackson to admit he was wrong was when little Hannah reached out and gave him a hug. That melted him.”
What melted Yvonne’s heart was the Holy Spirit working on her by bringing a Scripture verse to her mind. It was a verse she had recently memorized, Ephesians 4:29 — “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
It was as though the Holy Spirit was saying,”Excuse me, Yvonne. A few moments ago weren’t you just putting your husband down by telling him he was dumb? That is what is meant by “unwholesome words.” What would benefit your marriage more is to speak words that would build Bob up, not belittle him.”
Yvonne continues, “When those thoughts happen I have a choice: I can respond by admitting I was wrong and asking God’s forgiveness, or, I can just shrug it off, saying, ”It wasn’t really that bad.’ What I found in my life is that when I shrugged it off on a regular basis I eventually became insensitive to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Once that happened I stopped growing and changing. This had a major impact on my marriage, because I started to rationalize that it was Bob who needed to change, not me. Thus everything got out of order. It was only when I decided to stop fooling myself and admit I was wrong that our marriage would grow and stop being hindered by hurt feelings and resentment.
Sooooo – there in the airport Yvonne took a deep breath, put down the magazine she wasn’t really able to read anyway, turned to Bob and said, quite humbly, “Honey, I was wrong in speaking to you the way I did. Please forgive me.” Bob gave her a big hug, smiled and said, “Hon, thank you. Sure I forgive you.”
Bob went back to reading the newspaper and Yvonne went back to reading her magazine, but this time what she was reading made sense!
Our desire for you as we share this story about an incident in our lives is this: If you have not been seeing changes in your marriage, you can begin right now by making a commitment daily to surrender your will to God’s will. You may want to say the prayer we almost say daily —
Lord, You are in charge of my life today. Direct my thoughts, control my words and guide my actions, that they may bring glory to You. Please do whatever youneed to do to change me today. I pray this in the Name of Jesus. Amen.
If you pray a prayer like this, watch how God will mightily work in your life, and if married, in your marriage as well. So Be It.
Note: The above is a chapter the Turnbulls wrote in a book entitled LOVERS FOR LIFE, with the sub-title being “Strengthening and Preserving Your Marriage.” Bob and Yvonne were contributing authors along with Gary Chapman, Kevin Leman, Willard Harley, Jr., Steve and Annie Chapman, Zig Ziglar, Gary Smalley and John Trent, Les and Leslie Parrot, David and Claudia Arp, and others. Kenneth Musko was the Compiler. Published by Christian Publications, Inc.
** Five More Websites
As previously stated we will continue with each newsletter five more for your perusal. We suggest you log onto each one, view its contents and save those that you want – that have value to you. Many of them will usually be Christian websites but on occasion, they may be, as the term goes, secular. If you find one you do not care for, just delete it and move onto the next one. (Note: We do not list these just to endorse them. We on purpose list a variety of websites that show a diversity in thoughts, philosophies and opinions.)
www.changingdestinyproject.org
** Marriage Seminar In The Spring
This coming 2019 Spring Bob and Yvonne will be presenting a marriage seminar in Palm Springs (Calif). Details after the first of the year.